My husband is ‘eating’ my 19 years old daughter… how do I deal with it? Please Help Am Confused!
My daughter who is 19 has suffered from depression for the past 3 years, she is on tablets and struggles to sleep. I have tried to talk to her to help her to try to find out why. She finally opened up to her CPN at the end of November, she told them that when she was 11 her dad used to go in her bedroom and touch her.
He would start by stroking her back then move his hand down and not actually touch her private parts but be very close, of course, this made her uncomfortable. It happened on more than one occasion but she is unsure of how many.
They told her they had to inform social services because they knew I had younger children. So the social worker dropped this bombshell on me, interviewed the other kids, telling my 14-year-old son what his dad had done. Both I and my husband had to go to the offices where they told him my daughter did not want it to come out, she did not want to press charges but if we stayed together he was no longer allowed to stroke the youngest daughter or tickle her.
needless to say, straight away he moved to a hotel, and now 3wks later he is moving into a flat. He is saying he can’t remember what he has done, although he remembers feelings of guilt so it must be true. I told him it was true as my girl wouldn’t lie. He threatened suicide, I had worked it out to her being 13, as we only lived in that house and her having that bedroom at that age. At that time, he was suffering fits, his two brothers had died and he also was seeing a councilor. I have probably done the wrong thing, but iv stuck up for him with my son, iv told him about ‘the bad place’ dad was in at the time but I really didn’t want my son to suffer.
I spoke to my daughter before talking to him and she was fine about it. Both daughter and son want me to forgive him and let him back home. I do love him, or did I have lost all respect for him and can’t see us going back to what we were. I felt like he was half of me, I thought I could rely on him for anything. But that has all gone now.. he is not the person who I thought he was. The youngest has no idea why we have split up. His family was told he had an affair and in no way is the split my fault. I was badly abused by my own father, I was put in care as my mother blamed me. I remember thinking how can a mum and dad do that. How do I deal with this? how do I cope with the aftermath? how do I support my daughter? I worry about my husband too.. is this normal? I close my eyes and see what he has done. iv cried every day. He comes to the house to spend time with the kids I’m still feeling sick. he asked about the younger two staying over but I can’t ever see a time when I would feel comfortable with that.